Worshipping God while you’re in the darkest valley of your entire life brings a beautiful healing.
Losing my stepmom was the single most devastating loss I have ever experienced.
I’m a musical person and have always had a song to perfectly portray any mood that I was in or any emotion that I was feeling, and this situation was no different. For the first few months after she passed away, the only music I could bear to turn on was worship music. It was the only type of music that kept me sane.
When I wasn’t worshipping, my heart and my fleshly natures ran wild. I was mad. Furious, really. Dee Dee was one of the kindest, sweetest, and most humble people who ever walked the earth. WHY was she taken from us this way? I got bitter. I wanted to just ignore everything and pretend it never happened because if I even started to think for a millisecond about what had happened to my family, I completely fell apart.
When I began to worship… when I began to sing songs or say the words to myself in my head when it was too much to speak them out loud… it helped keep my mind and heart fixed on God. It kept truths flowing through me. It reminded me that God was so present in my situation. He was walking through it with me and He wasn’t going to leave me. It’s kind of like that saying, you have to laugh or you’ll cry. For me, I had to constantly speak how good God was so that I didn’t let my circumstance overtake me or make me a bitter person.
Grief is normal. Grief is healthy. And God can use our grief, and how we react while we’re walking through it, to mold us. No matter what type of heartbreak you’ve gone through… grief and loss from death, an unexpected end to a relationship, a financial catastrophe, or other situation that truly feels like it has taken your heart and all of the love and happiness you had and thrown it into a blender… meditate on these words. Worship the God who is ever-present in your circumstance – the One who was not caught off guard by your tragedy – and let Him heal your wounds.
I still have moments where I can physically feel my heartbreak. I’ll come across a photo or a letter from her, or I’ll need to call her to ask her a question… something will bring my mind back to the last full day I got to spend with her before the hospitalization, or each and every detail of the week we were at SOMC. I’ll never fully get over this loss, but God has strengthened me and continues to. When I feel sad and weak, I turn to God in prayer, get into His word, and turn on my favorite worship songs and repeat again and again.
I’ve put together a playlist of some of my favorite songs that I’ve relied on again and again through this loss. You can click here to open it up in YouTube, and I’ve put some of my favorite lyrics from the tracks below:
Track 1 – Not For A Moment (After All) – Meredith Andrews
“In my hurt, at my worst, when my world falls down – not for a moment will You forsake me. After all, You are constant. After all, You are only good. After all, You are Sovereign. Not for a moment will You forsake me.”
Track 2 – Though You Slay Me – Shane & Shane ft. John Piper
“Though You slay me, yet I will praise You. Though You take from me, I will bless Your name. Though You ruin me, still I will worship. Sing a song to the One who’s all I need.”
Track 3 – It Is Well with My Soul – Jimmy Needham ft. John Piper
“When sorrows like sea billows roll… whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say ‘It is well; it is well with my soul.'”
#4 – 10,000 Reasons (Bless the Lord) – Matt Redman
“Whatever may pass and whatever lies before me, let me be singing when the evening comes. Bless the Lord oh my soul, oh my soul, worship His holy name. Sing like never before, oh my soul, I’ll worship Your holy name… and on that day when my strength is failing, the end draws near and my time has come, still my soul will sing Your praise unending – 10,000 years and then forevermore.”
#5 – Lord, I Need You – Matt Maher
“Teach my song to rise to You when temptation comes my way, when I cannot stand I’ll fall on You – Jesus, You’re my hope and stay. Lord I need You, oh I need You. Every hour I need You. My one defense, my righteousness, oh God how I need you.”
#6 – Broken Hallelujah – The Afters
“I’ve seen joy and I’ve seen pain. On my knees, I call Your name – here’s my broken Hallelujah. With nothing left to hold onto, I raise these empty hands to You. Here’s my broken, here’s my broken, hallelujah. When all is taken away, don’t let my heart be changed – let me always sing Hallelujah.”
#7 – Through All Of It – Colton Dixon
“You were there when it all came down on me & I was blinded by my fear & I struggled to believe, but in those unclear moments You were the one keeping me strong – this is how my story’s always gone: I have won and I have lost, I got it right sometimes but sometimes I did not. Life’s been a journey, I’ve seen joy, I’ve seen regret, oh and You have been my God through all of it.”
#8 – Shoulders – for King & Country
“My help comes from You. You’re right here pulling me through. You carry my weakness, my sickness, my brokenness all on Your shoulders.”
#9 – Held – Natalie Grant
“This is what it means to be held – how it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life & you survive. This is what it is to be loved and to know that the promise was that when everything fell, we’d be held.”
#10 – I Am Not Alone – Kari Jobe
“In the midst of deep sorrow I see Your light is breaking through. The dark of night will not overtake me, I am pressing into You. Lord, You fight my every battle and I will not fear. I am not alone.”
#11 – He Knows – Jeremy Camp
“And how hard your fight has been, how deep the pain within. Wounds that no one else has seen hurts too much to show. All the doubt you’re standing in between and all the weight that brings you to your knees, He knows, He knows eery hurt and every sting – He has walked the suffering. He knows, He knows – let your burdens come undone, lift your eyes up to the one who knows. He knows.”